As NFL MEGA-WEEK draws to a close, so too does the MEGA BLOG. It’s been a good run, but sometimes time just isn’t on your
side. It seems like only yesterday
that MEGA BLOG was just a baby blog: an innocent little blog with no idea of
the blog-eat-blog that waited for it.
As Lil’ Weezy once said,
“And I be with my dog like a mothaf-cka hunt
Everyday of the week is the first of the month
Audemar Piguet with the diamonds in the face
Cant tell the time cause the diamonds in the face”
-
Lil Wayne, Ice
Cream Paint Job
*sigh* Can’t tell time cause the
diamonds in the face… It’s so true, you just can’t tell time with them diamonds
in your face… Gets me every time.
But enough nostalgia. The MEGA BLOG is going out with a MEGA BANG, and by MEGA BANG I mean
some real hardcore blog-on-blog-on-blog-on-MEGABLOG
analysis.
The Bucking Bronco
Today
is the one-week anniversary of Peyton Manning picking the Broncos as the team
that is liable for his silly string neck.
If you remember, we talked about
Peyton’s possible destinations and the pros and cons that accompanied each
situation by comparing them to beautiful (and not so beautiful) women in
PEYTON’S WILD RIDE. However,
despite the fact that the column was hilariously funny and surprisingly
entertaining, the three teams that actually made it to the Finals of the Peyton
Sweepstakes were not discussed (shows how much I know).*
**Sidenote:
Had those three teams been discussed, their personas would have been
TITANS: The
High School Crush --- she’s seen better days, but you secretly loved her for so
long in high school that how could you not
hit that.
49ERS: The
Busty Chick --- she’s big and busty… enough said
BRONCOS:
The Girl With the Famous/Rich Dad --- she may not be the
nicest/prettiest/down-to-earth girl, but her Dad is fucking loaded. What’s the harm in dating her for a few
months/years/rest of your life?**
During
his press conference, Peyton revealed that he ultimately chose the Broncos
because it was the situation in which he felt most “comfortable.” Peyton said he didn’t feel like the
Niners or the Titans were the right fit, and he believed that the environment
that he felt most comfortable in would ultimately be the most conducive to
winning. However, if you look
closely at Elway during the press conference, you can vaguely make out the
outline of a gun in his hand pointed at the back of Peyton.
Seriously
though, on Sunday if you told me to rank the three teams in order from most
likely to least likely to land Peyton, the Broncos would have been dead
last. I mean, if Peyton chose the
Niners, he pretty much would have written himself a ticket to the Super
Bowl. Whatever John Elway told
Peyton when they met must’ve had a really big impact on the way Peyton viewed
himself and/or the Broncos’ franchise… it’s either that or Elway gives great
head.
But
the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. The Broncos had the number one rushing attack last year
(inflated by Tebow’s 122 rush attempts), a solid 9th ranked O-Line
in terms of sacks allowed, and a defensive-minded coach that won’t hesitate to
give Peyton total control of the offense.
Oh and I almost forgot, they’re in a division with the Raiders,
Chargers, and Chiefs (combined 2011 record 23-25) and won the division last
year with an 8-8 record.
And
then, once I reconcile Peyton’s decision in my head, I remember that HE
COULD’VE GONE TO THE 49ERS!!!!
A
quick comparison:
Rushing Attack
NINERS: Frank Gore (2011 – 1282 yards, 4.3 YPC)
BRONCOS: Knowshon Moreno/Willis McGahee (2011
combined -1336 yards, 4.8 YPC)
PUSH (slight edge
Broncos, but in terms of consistency I would give it to Gore)
Defense
NINERS: 4th in Total Defense (first in
Rush D and second in Scoring D)
BRONCOS: 20th in Total Defense (gave up 5
TD passes to Tom Brady in the Divisional Round of the playoffs… in one half)
Advantage NINERS
Receiving Options
NINERS: Vernon Davis, Michael Crabtree, Mario
Manningham, Randy Moss
BRONCOS: Eric Decker, Demaryius Thomas
Advantage NINERS
Competitiveness
NINERS: 13-3 record (combined record of other teams
in division 17-31)
BRONCOS: 8-8 record (combined record of other teams
in division 23-35)
Advantage NINERS
Verdict
PEYTON + NINERS =
SUPER BOWL XVII CHAMPIONS
The Broncos are a nice option for
an upcoming quarterback who wants to make a name for himself in the NFL, but why
in Tebow’s name would you choose them over the 49ers given the choice!?!?@?!!
I think Peyton’s neck brace has a
screw loose.
Shoutout
to Party Peter for introducing me to Ice Cream Paint Shop and to the MEGA BLOG…
You will be missed
#DJLR
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