Oh,
hey! I didn’t see you there for a
second. Stop sneaking up on me
like that… Seriously, it’s weird… Whatever, now that you’re here we can finally
start the middle installment of the MEGA
BLOG on the collection of days that has been appropriately dubbed NFL MEGA WEEK:
The Tebow Saga: Eclipsed
Yesterday while we were talking
about bounty systems, fines, suspensions, pimp hands, and jimmies, everybody’s
favorite Christian was booted from the Mile High City because Satan showed up…
Sorry, I meant to say because Peyton
showed up.
Regardless, Tebow was traded to the
Jets yesterday, and with this move the football-throwing missionary began the
second chapter of his young NFL career: Exodus.
[cut to old Jewish rabbi laughing]
On Wednesday the Jets traded a 4th
and a 6th round pick to the Broncos for a Tebow and a 7th
round pick. The Broncos needed to
clear Tebow’s locker to make room for Peyton Manning’s neck brace (more on that
in Part 3) and the Jets were (and are) in need of some Easy-Bake/Instant/just-add-water Offense.
On paper, this seems like a perfect
trade for the Jets. They get an
electrifying player who doubles as a messiah for basically a box of cookies
(shout out to Stephen A. Smith). Their new offensive coordinator, Tony Sparano, literally
invented the Wildcat offense in Miami, and now they have the epitome of a
wildcat quarterback.
On paper, Tebow gives the Jets
depth in the quarterback position (no matter how bad both of those quarterbacks
are) and provides a dramatic change of pace to the Jets’ offense and contrast
to Sanchez during games.
On paper, Tebow gives the Jets a
moral leader in the locker room: somebody who is loyal, humble, and wants to
win more than anything else.
On paper, the Jets have a better
chance to win with Tebow than they did without Tebow.
ON
PAPER, this is all true. But
sports aren’t played on a paper because if they were then the Knicks would be
the best team in the NBA.**
**Sidenote: #WOODSANITY #ITSNOTASDIRTYASITSOUNDS
#THEARGONFACTOR**
In reality, Tebow is just going to
be another distraction for the already troubled Jets. The Jets intend for Tebow to be a Brad Smith 2.0 and
complement the leader of their offense, Sanchez. But the problem with this scenario is that you can’t get
Tebow without giving all of your fans a raging Tebowner.
What happens when Mark Sanchez
throws a pick in the first game of the season and you start hearing the
“TEEEEEBOWWWW” chants all throughout the stadium? What happens if the Jets start out slow under Sanchez and
pressure on Rex Ryan and Tony Sparano to give the fans what they want swells? Will they put Tebow in to quell the
criticism or will they stand by Sanchez?
This is probably all Mark Sanchez
was thinking about during the six-hour snag in trade negotiations, and he was
praying that Tebow would land somewhere else. The only problem is that all prayers go directly through Tebow,
so praying against him is futile.
Sanchez is the most fragile
**cough**pussy**cough** quarterback in the league. If you didn't get my excessive coughing, I'm not actually sick, Sanchez is pussy. After coming off an end
of season collapse that bumped the Jets from the playoffs, #TEBOWTIME probably
isn’t the best therapy for him.
It’s one thing if the Jets traded
for Tebow so that he could be their starting quarterback. Tebow has made it clear that he wants
to be a starting quarterback in the NFL, and, honestly, he played better than
Sanchez last season. They were
both in the bottom five in QBR (Sanchez – 33.6, Tebow 27.2), but when you’re
that low down, what’s the difference between 31st and 29th? Tebow makes up for his atrocious
passing with incredible running that opens up the field.
Sanchez has the talent and
potential to be a better overall quarterback than Tebow, but Tebow might give
the Jets the best chance to win now.
I mean, the guy was 7-4 as a starter and beat the Steelers in the playoffs (not to mention he beat the Jets with a far less talented team). Sanchez was 8-8… just saying.
So if Tebow is the better option
right now, then why was this a bad trade?
It was a bad trade because the Jets have openly committed to Mark
Sanchez as their starting quarterback.
The psychological pressure that Tebow coming to New York brings is the
worst possible thing for Sanchez’s game.
Sanchez will and should be the
starting quarterback for the duration of the season (barring injury or JaMarcus
Russel-like performances), but there will always be that one fan yelling “TEBOWWWW”
no matter how well Sanchez plays.
However it plays out, all I know is
that I’ll be watching it all with a big bucket of popcorn in one hand and a Bible in the other (just kidding about the Bible, unless Tebow starts winning again).
Shoutout
to Insta.gram (I just wish I knew how to use it…)
#DJLR
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