LePiphany

Welcome to the DJLR Transmogrification Suite.  Here you can become anything or anyone you want with just a push of a button.  Think Lost’s Dharma Initiative Swan Station meets the Star Trek command center, except pimped out with ginormous 24-carat gold Flava Flav clocks hanging everywhere.  Despite the extreme temptation to turn into James Harden’s beard or Metta World Peace’s psychologist, today we are turning back the clocks to become hypothetical writer, Liam Jones, born and raised in Atkins, Iowa.

It’s 1999.

Liam arrives at the University of Iowa as a freshman and is immediately named editor-in-chief of UI’s student newspaper, The Daily Iowan.  It is clear that Liam has an extraordinary ability to write, and under his leadership, The Daily Iowan wins Iowa’s Pepperdine Award for Best College Newspaper. 

The following year Liam’s writing continues to improve and Liam is named Iowa’s “Mr. Publication,” becoming the first sophomore to ever win the award.  In a catfight over who would talk to Liam first, a girl named Tiffany suffers a broken wrist and a second girl named Ashley is sent into a coma and wakes up three months later.

In his junior year, Jones’ popularity transcends to the national scale.  He is again named Iowa’s “Mr. Publication,” and, in addition, Liam wins the Staples Writer of the Year Award, given annually to the nation’s top college writer. 

Now people are starting to take notice of little Liam Jones.  He appears on the cover U.S. News and the Huffington Post that proclaim Jones to be a writing prodigy.  Celebrity writers like Bill Simmons and Michael Wilbon start reading The Daily Iowan, and the Jones’ fame becomes so great that UI has to hire a new printing company to satisfy the rapid increase in demand for The Daily Iowan.  Soon people from across the country are ordering subscriptions to The Daily Iowan, and Jones’ articles begin circulating on the Internet.

In his final year at UI, Jones wins Iowa’s “Mr. Publication” for the unprecedented third consecutive time, attends three national newspaper summits, and graduates from the University of Iowa as one of only three non-douchey English majors at the school.

It’s 2003. 

Jones decides to get a job writing for the newspaper that he grew up reading: The Iowa Gazette.  Jones transforms the Gazette from a newspaper plagued by poor writers and a less than avid readership into a national paper on par with The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and The New York Times within just three short years of his being there.  People start calling him “The Chosen One,” and everyone in Iowa starts to believe that Jones will lead the Gazette to be the world’s number one rated newspaper. 

            It’s 2004. 

Facebook has just been invented and now all of Jones’ fans can talk about him online in one common location. Liam couldn’t be happier. Everybody loves him and his fan base just keeps expanding. With each passing year Jones leads the Iowa Gazette to become more and more successful.  One year the Gazette is even ranked second in readership.  People are drawing comparisons between Liam and the John Peter Zenger, the greatest journalist in history.  But the thing is that people want Liam to surpass Zenger.  They want him to succeed.  They love his loyalty and small town values.  He still hasn’t lead the Gazette to become number one in readership, but everybody knows it’s just a matter of time. 

Jones is so popular that he teams up with Staples to start his own pencil line entitled “Lead Pencil Jones” (or LPJ for short).   They come up with a cool logo and Liam stars in commercials promoting his new brand.  That’s a huge hit and soon every student from kindergarten to college is rockin’ LPJ’s.  Liam is on top of the world.  He’s invincible.

            It’s 2007.

Jones is a national icon and household name.  People from all over the world are reading the Iowa Gazette just to see what Jones has to say.  He’s going to VIP parties in Hollywood and he never has to wait in line.  Swarms of people follow him wherever he goes, and he signs at least 50 autographs a day.

Something called “Twitter” is getting really popular.  It’s basically just a way for Liam to write small statements updating his fans on his everyday happenings.  All the celebrities have one so Liam decides it wouldn’t hurt to follow suit.  Overnight Liam gets 50,000 followers.  His first tweet: “Hey everybody! Kinda new to this Twitter thing, but I’m looking forward to using it!”  BOOM.  10,000 retweets and 4,000 favorites, whatever that means.  His publicist says it’s a good thing so he keeps tweeting.  He discovers something called “replies.”  It’s his fans tweeting back to him saying stuff like “WE LOVE YOU LIAM!” and “You’re the best!” and “HAVE MY BABIES, LIAM!!!”  Liam thinks this is the greatest.  Never has he been so close to his fans, and his love for them grows with each passing day.

It’s 2009.

Liam wins his first Pulitzer.  He’s just been validated as the top journalist in the world.  To top it all off LPJ has just expanded into pens, paper, and whiteout. Liam is making more money than he ever dreamed of, and, more importantly, he is loved.  Jones is a global icon and a role model for kids.  This is what he's always dream of.  He’s done more than just popularize The Iowa Gazette; he’s revitalized an entire state.

It’s 2010.

Liam wins another Pulitzer.  His personal success is enormous, but people are beginning to wonder if Jones will ever be able to lead the Gazette to become number one in readership.  He’s led them to a second place, but never a number one.  Analysts are beginning to question whether or not Jones has the ability to do it in his current situation.  This has led to Jones’ fans questioning his ability to get it done, which has trickled into Jones’ mind, himself wondering if he can get it done at the Gazette. Zenger led his newspaper to SIX number ones and Jones has yet to accomplish one.  How will this affect his legacy?  Will Jones even get one?

To make matters worse, Apple’s iPhone has revolutionized the world of communication.  You can access the Internet on the go and literally communicate with anyone at any time.  Facebook and Twitter are blowing up with “Can Jones lead Gazette to Number 1?” conversations and trending topics.  Analysts start saying that Jones’ supporting writers at the Gazette aren’t good enough to help Jones get a number one.  Jones says he isn’t listening, but the talk is deafening.  With his contract at the Gazette up this summer, Jones is seriously contemplating leaving.

Now it's summer 2010.

The Gazette finishes fourth in readership this year.  Jones’ contract is up.  He thinks he’ll never be able to get a number one at the Gazette.  He panics.  He needs a supporting cast.  It’s not his fault that the Gazette can’t get good writers to put around him.  He has to leave.  All of his family and friends agree.  He’s going to the New York Times.  He talked to a couple of All Star writers that he’s become friends with over the years and they’re moving with him.  It’s the only decision.  He has to do what’s best for him, right?  His fans will understand.  He is Liam Jones.  They’ll have to. 

Liam decides to announce his move on Twitter.  After all, he wants to see the comforting words of his fans, telling him that it’s all right; telling him that he made the right decision.  The only problem is that Jones’ fans don’t understand.  In fact, they couldn’t understand less.  Liam gets millions of replies calling him a “coward,” a “deserter,” and a “fake.”  The CEO of the Gazette writes an open letter to his fans chastising Liam as an “ungrateful traitor,” promising that the Gazette will reach number one before The Times.  People are burning his articles in the streets.  There are Anti-Liam groups on Facebook.  #KILLLIAM is trending on Twitter.  This is not what Liam signed up for.  He was just trying to do what was best for him.  Can’t they see that?  Why are they doing this?  He was their hero.  He was untouchable.  He was Liam Jones.

The Times decides to throw a Welcome Party for Liam and the two other big writers that they signed over the summer.  Liam is couldn’t be more excited.  He goes into the party and finally sees where all of his fans have been hiding.  They’re all here.  All right in front of him.  When he walks into the stadium and they all go crazy.  A whole arena full of them.  This is where they’ve been hiding.  It doesn’t matter that they weren’t defending him on the Internet because they’re here now.  They can’t get enough of him.  Liam gets asked how many number ones they’re going to get.  Liam has high expectations. He wouldn’t have left the Gazette if he didn’t.  Now he has two star writers alongside him where before he had none.  If he got the Gazette up to second in readership all by himself, think of what he could do with some talent.  Not one, not two, not three… The crowd’s cheers swell with each passing number… not four, not five, not six… they just won’t stop... not seven...  Everybody loves it.  Everybody loves him.  Liam has no idea that the rest of the country despises him.  In their eyes, Liam will never be as good as Zenger.

It’s 2011.

Liam has become the embodiment of evil.  Jones has become synonymous with traitor.  The Times is battling for number one in readership, but it seems as though the whole world is rooting against him. Jones is writing just as well as he ever has, if not better. Liam doesn’t know what’s wrong.  He didn’t bring guns into the newsroom.  He didn’t start a brawl with his fans.  He didn’t cheat on his wife.  Why are they acting as though he committed a crime against humanity?

Did he make the right decision?  How will he be remembered after this?  Is it all worth it?  The Internet has become his worst enemy.  The negative replies don’t stop.  The Anti-Liam Facebook groups grow in number everyday.  He’s become a villain.  He’s just a small town kid from Iowa, why does everyone care what he’s doing?  Why do they care where he writes?  Who are they to judge him?  They’ve never had to deal with the type of pressure he deals with everyday.  The expectations.  The scrutiny.  Everything he does seems to be front-page news.  He wants to lash out, but his publicist says this will only make matters worse.

Instead he embraces the image that society has crafted for him.  He stars in a Staples commercial that parodies the criticism that Liam is facing.  He asks the audience what he should do.  He plays it off as a joke, but in reality he asks himself that question every day: "What should I do?" He struggles to find an answer.

The Times comes in second in readership behind The Dallas Morning Star.  People from all across the country are celebrating, not because The Star won, but rather because The Times lost.  His fans have turned on him to become his fiercest critics.  They are making fun of him.  They are questioning his decision to leave.  They are saying that Zenger never would have left his own paper.  They are saying that Jones just doesn’t have what it takes to be number one.  He doesn’t have the drive that Zenger had.  He doesn’t have the ferocity that Zenger had.  He doesn’t have the heart that Zenger had.  Did you see him give up when The Times was so close to winning?  Everybody else sure did.  They are saying that Jones is a coward.  It’s 2010 all over again.  He can’t turn on the T.V. without being reminded that he is second best.  Why can’t they just leave him alone?  Why can’t things just go back to the way they were?

It’s 2012.

            Liam wins another Pulitzer.  That’s a record 3 Pulitzers in 4 years. People aren’t happy for him; all they want is for him to fail.  They’re making fun of his receding hairline, even though they’re bald.  They’re making fun of his mom, even though they have affairs.  They say that they hate him even though they’ve never even met him.  The Times is battling once again for a number one.  One of Liam’s key writers on The Times breaks his hand and can’t write during one of the most important weeks of the year.  Liam steps up and leads The Times in his absence.  He gets some praise, but it’s paired with skepticism.  It’s always paired with criticism these days.  He just grins and bears it. The only thing that will silence the chatter is a number one.  He knows it.  And even then they will never truly be silent.  People will put asterisks on it and say it wasn’t because of him.  Liam doesn’t care.  He’s learned that his critics will always be there.  It’s up to him to let his writing do the talking.  

           He knows he’ll be paying for the Decision, as it’s come to be called, for the rest of his career; yet he seems at ease with that.  People want to see him fail.  They feel it’s their right.  It’s not about spite, they say, it’s about loyalty.  They’re not holding a grudge, they say, they’re protecting their principles.  They want him to regret his decision.  They want him to crack under the pressure.  He’s walking on a tightrope over a sea of molten hate.  He’s battling to keep his balance.  He’s battling for our respect every day. He’s battling for his first number one as we speak.  He’s battling for his teammates.  He’s battling for himself.

Now, tell me, who do you hate more: Liam Jones or LeBron James? 

My answer: neither.

#DJLR