Sleeping With The Fishes: 2012 NFL Playoffs

            Before I start this post I need to get something off my chest… G-MENNNNN!!!! But we’ll get to that later.  This weekend was full of some great football so I’m just gonna get to it.  No witty introduction, no Jesus/Tebow joke, just good old-fashioned blog-on-blog-on-blog analysis.  My blog, my rules.  The weekend’s games (more specifically the Giants-Packers game) inspired me to begin a segment that I like to call…

SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES 

(you’ll understand soon enough)

SAINTS

The weekend started off with a bang.  Candlestick Park played stage to one of the most exciting football games that I have ever had the privilege of watching. Drew Brees and the Saints' high-flying offense took on the classic rough-and-tough 49ers defense in a game for the ages.  The excitement was palpable, even from 3,000 miles away.  With four lead changes in the last four minutes it was the only game in recent memory that kept me physically glued to my seat with the fear that I was going to miss something.  It had everything you could ever want in a football game: high scoring, big hitting, and clutch performing. 

At first it seemed like the Saints were going to have their way with the 49ers, moving the ball inside the 49ers' red zone with relative ease on their first drive of the game.  But then 49ers DB Donte Whitner straight up obliterated Saints RB Pierre Thomas at the 2-yard line with one of the greatest “not-in-my-house” hits that I have ever seen.  Seriously, re-watch it.  I’m convinced that Whitner is a Dementor because once he touches Thomas, it looks like Thomas just had his soul stolen from him and he crumbles to the ground like a statue. 

           

            From that point forward the 49ers' defense was out for blood.  They were hitting Saints receivers so hard that, at times, it hurt to watch.  You know that feeling that you get when you watch someone get kicked in the balls and you instinctively grab your own balls, move backwards, and say “ooohhh.”  That’s what it was like watching the Saints get lit up by 49ers DB’s, only for the entire game (and not in the balls).  The 49ers' defense just looked faster and more physical than the Saints’ receivers, which is how they were able to cause five turnovers. 

            Finally, “the Catch III,” “the Grab,” “the Immaculate Reception (Skrillex Remix),” whatever you want to call it, was the most exciting thing that happened all season.  People forget that Smith put the Niners up with a little more than two minutes left in the fourth with a 28-yard QB bootleg to the left side that he audibled on 3rd and long.  Then with 1:36 seconds left on the clock and one time out Alex Smith (in his first playoff appearance) goes 5-5 on the last drive, moves the ball 85, and connects with Vernon “The Real Big Baby” Davis twice to win in for the Niners with 0:09 seconds left on the clock.  It was an inspirational win for a franchise that hasn’t been relevant in over a decade, and, as a Giants fan, I shudder with the thought of playing against such a complete team next weekend.

            In the playoffs, the winner of the turnover battle is usually the winner of the game.  The Saints have a great QB, great coach, and a great team, but you can’t give the ball away five times and expect to win the game.  On Saturday the 49ers were +4 on the turnover battle, which is why they are moving on to face the Giants and why the Saints are SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES! (get it now?)

BRONCOS

Alright, well I kinda allocated my time for the Broncos over to the Saints because there really isn’t much to say about the Broncos.  Tebow’s disappointment Saturday was the biggest fall from grace since Lucifer. Tom Brady had his way with the Broncos defense, throwing for a playoff-record five TD’s before halftime.  The magic of Tebow has passed, and my Jewish upbringing is safe (for the moment).  Hey Broncos, I hope you brought a pillow because tonight you’re SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES.

TEXANS

            This is a somewhat reluctant Sleeping With The Fishes because the Texans had a rookie quarter back thrust upon them late in the season with Matt Schaub’s foot-injury, and Jacoby Jones was basically playing for the Ravens.  T.J. Yates completed fewer than 50% of his passes, threw three picks, 184 yards, and had a final QBR of 28.8.

            I don’t think it’s that big of a stretch to say that if Schaub (since being traded to Houston from Atlanta: completion percent 65.3%, 264.1 YPG, and 2.5 TD:INT ratio) didn’t get injured, the Texans would have won that game, I dare say, handily.  The Texans defense held the Ravens to 20 points, 17 of which came in the 1^st quarter, and they still almost won.

The Ravens defense did look good, but they didn’t look like the punishing defense that they have been in the past.  Foster was only the second RB to rush for over 100 yards against them all year, but the Ravens did a good job of making it clear that if the Texans were going to beat them, it was going to be with the arm of T.J. Yates.  Ultimately, the Ravens made defensive plays when they mattered the most, and won the turnover battle (+4), which was the Texans’ undoing.

The Texans are my pick to win the AFC next year (if they can stay healthy), which is why I wave a somber farewell to the Texans who are now SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES.

PACKERS

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.  The G-MENNNNNNN (insert Chris Berman voice here). First, can we agree that #DiscountDoubleChoke is the greatest hash tag of the digital age?  Classic. The Giants went into Lambeau on Sunday and humiliated the Packers at home, making analysts draw even more comparisons to the ’07 Super Bowl Champions and this year’s Giants.  Déjà Blue.

Eli Manning silenced his critics and proved that he is an elite, or more accurately ELIte, quarterback yesterday by picking apart a weak Green Bay secondary and leading the Giants to victory.  He threw for over 300 yards for the first time in his playoff career (I am still stunned by the fact that he was a 300 yard virgin) and showed that if you give the man time, he will make you pay.  Hakeem Nicks continued to shine, racking up seven receptions for 165 yards and two touchdowns. 

But the Giants’ defense is what stood out the most.  Their offense was expected to move the ball against a team ranked last in total defense during the regular season, but their defense was not supposed to stop an offense that scored the second most points ever in a single season (ironically, the 2007 Patriots hold the record for most points ever in a single season and guess who handed them their only loss of the year in Super Bowl XLII? That’s right, the Giants). They caused four turnovers (really five because Greg Jennings’ knee was NOT down) against a Packers offense that is just greedy with the football with more wins (15) than turnovers (14) during the regular season.  I’m telling you, whoever wins the turnover battle wins the game.

Now I don’t want to completely bore you with how good the Giants’ defense was, because I could go on all day, but it was more than just offensive “rust” on the part of Aaron Rodgers and the Pack that held their offense to only 20 point in this game. 

“Rust” often creates a lack of rhythm and timing, which is why “rusty” teams look bad.  But the Giants’ defense, with its menacing pass-rush and blitz packages, is predicated upon throwing off this very rhythm.  It’s no coincidence that the Giants held Falcons’ offense scoreless and Green Bay’s offense to 20 points below its season average at home in consecutive weeks.  The Giants’ defense makes the opposing offense look out of sync, and there is little reason to believe that Perry Fewell won’t pick up on the Niners’ offensive rhythm and stop Alex Smith next weekend at Candlestick. 

 But for now, we bid a heartfelt farewell to Aaron Rodgers and the Pack.  I hope you guys like sushi because tonight you’re SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES!

Shout-out to everyone who’s tweeting, retweeting, hashtagging, status-ing, and anything else that’ll get the word out there about Davy Jones’ Locker Room.

Specifically: Adam Pollack/Needelman, Eddie Sigman, Ma, Pa, and da Sis (Kasey). Keep it up.

                                                        #DJLR