The Dunk Contest

That’s right everybody, DJLR is back from vacation and ready to party, and by party I mean some good ol’ fashioned blog-on-blog-on-blog analysis.

Let’s start with the Dunk Contest:

            Before we talk about the Contest itself, I just have one thing to get off my chest: since when did it become “un-cool” to be in the Dunk Contest? 

Last time I checked, dunks were still the single most exciting thing (aside from the last two minutes) of a basketball game.  

It’s like the Dunk Contest is the Abercrombie & Fitch of the NBA:  It’s really cool when you’re in middle school and wearing only Abercrombie, but by the time you’re old enough to shop in Abercrombie & Fitch, you realize that the clothes aren’t that cool and anybody who still wears them is a douche. 

            But we’ll get to that later.

On paper, the Dunk Contest should be every NBA player’s dream: ball in hand, open-hoop, no defenders, millions of people watching.  You can literally do anything.  It is tough, though.  I mean one-upping the previous year’s jaw-dropping dunk with an even crazier jaw-dropping dunk is pretty hard.  You can’t up the ante and lower the jaw every year.  Dwight jumped over a person; Blake jumped over a car; so I guess the only thing cooler would be if Chase Budinger jumped over a person-car aka a Transformer. 

But there’s the other problem with this year’s Dunk Contest.  Anybody who follows basketball knows who I’m talking about when I say Dwight or Blake, but I have to refer Chris Budinger by his full name.  Do you know how time consuming it is to refer to everybody by their full name? Well, it’s not that time consuming, but it’s fucking annoying.  And that’s what I have to do with everybody in the Dunk Contest this year because if I just say Paul, Chase, Jeremy, and Derrick people are going to think that I’m talking about a Backstreet Boyz reunion special.

There are literally zero marquee names in this year’s contest, which is bad but not catastrophic.  To put how abstruse the names are into perspective, when I typed “Paul George” into Google, the first suggestion was “Paul George John and Ringo, Beatles.”

The other guys in the Contest are the Rocket’s Chase Budinger, the Utah’s Jeremy Evans, and Timberwolves’ rookie Derrick Williams (I would have put in Taj Gibson instead of Budinger after Taj destroyed D-Wade’s soul in last year’s Eastern Conference Finals, but that’s just me).  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those haters that says that just because there are no superstars in the Contest that the Contest itself is going to suck. After weeding my way through the Internet to watch their dunk tape, I could see why the NBA picked them.  These guys are great dunkers, and I like that the NBA changed the Contests’ format so that there isn’t as much boring down time between monster slams.  Everyone has been saying that the Contest is going to suck because of all of the “no-names,” but you know that these same “no-names” are listening and are going to come out trying to prove why they were put there. 

Personally, I think that the Dunk Contest is going to be entertaining.  It won’t be something that we talk about for years to come like Dr. J, Jordan, and Niq’ but it will be fun for everyone there and anyone who watches.  

My prediction: Derrick Williams edges out Jeremy Evans with one of those dunks that he just slams down, you know, Blake-Griffin-style, like the rim had sex with his girlfriend and all he wants to do is punish it.

My problem, in general, is that it seems like the superstars don’t want to be in the Dunk Contest.  Back in the days of Jordan and Niq, superstars wanted to show off in front of the crowd.  They wanted to be in the spotlight.  They wanted the ball in their hands and dunk from the foul line, and they made history in the process.

 Every little kid growing up LOVES the dunk contest, but now once that little kid grows up and get into the NBA, the magic has faded and “risk of injury” is his excuse for not competing. 

It just seems selfish.  The Dunk Contest inspires so many kids from across the country (and world) to pick up basketball, and now the superstars that they look up to are the same players who think that they are too good to be wasting their time with the Dunk Contest. 

“Oh, poo poo, the Dunk Contest? I would sooner be caught wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers Jersey than be seen in that poor showing,” says high-society LeBron James.

“The Dunk Contest? Why should I be forced to compete in that dreadful competition?  It is hardly worth my time and effort.  Now if you will excuse me, I really should be getting back to the kitchen, my crumpets are getting cold,” says pompous Kevin Durant.

“Oh I remember my days in the Dunk Contest.  One of the most traumatizing experiences of my life.  I danced around in a little Superman costume and jumped over that young chap Nathaniel Robinson III.  How lowbrow!  I’d rather stay in Orlando than be put on that stage again,” says mega-douche Dwight Howard.

Look, I’m exaggerating, and I’m sure there are complex issues and factors that ultimately drive these players to not compete in the Contest, but to an everyday fan, this is the perception.  This year’s Dunk Contest might not have the star power as the Contests of the past, but you’ve gotta respect these guys for coming out and putting on a show. 

Shoutout to Mother Nature for finally giving Utah some snow 

#DJLR