That’s
right everyone, it’s that time every four years again… JA RULE’S BIRTHDAY! (aka Leap Year Day). He turns nine
today! How precious! The day has lost its luster just a bit
since Ja became the youngest person ever to go jail for gun possession and tax
evasion, but DJLR sent him a Big Wheel so hopefully that will cheer him
up.
Anyway, back to February 29th. Before I start talking about sports and
junk I just have something to get off of my chest. Why is it that all of the other months are such assholes to
February? Seven months have 31 days, four months have 30 days, and February, the runt of the
litter, has 28 and SOMETIMES 29!!!!
Seriously, other months? You couldn’t spare maybe one of your
precious days so that starving February over here could enjoy some extra
time? It’s like February is the
middle child that none of the other months like so they made it the shortest
and hoped people forgot about him.
Then, when people started questioning why February was being kept in the
closet, the other months banded together and formulated a plan to make it look
like February is important.
They stuck a fucking groundhog spectacular
at the beginning of the month, put a week in the middle to honor dead
presidents, and then tagged on an extra day every four years so that the world
could be like “oh my God, look how cool February is with its extra day! Its
soooo lucky, none of the other months have that!” Yeah, all of the other months have that because they all
have at least 30 days all the time.
Stand up for yourself February; you deserve it. #FREEFEBRUARY
I can’t believe I just devoted
three solid paragraphs to defending a month, but I guess that’s what happens
when you write a blog and really don’t want to study for an econ quiz.
Back to sports. In honor of LEAP YEAR DAY DJLR is doing some blog-on-blog-on-blog analysis on
the best thing that happens every four years:
When I say “the Olympics” I
obviously mean basketball in the Olympics because nobody cares about anything
else, and if they do they don’t admit to it, and if they admit to it then they
probably listen to Nickelback, and if they listen to Nickelback then you should
probably find a new friend.
I promise that was the last
digression! BASKETBALL. OLYMIPCS.
WHO’S ON THE TEAM?
All 20 of the contenders are vying
for 12 spots, but in reality there are only 8 spots available because LeBron,
Kobe, Dwight, and Durant are LeBron, Kobe, Dwight, and Durant.
That leaves 8 spots for 16
players. Do the math and that
means that half of these guys are going to be cut.
POINT GUARDS:
The Point Guard position is stacked
this year with Rose, Paul, Westbrook, and Williams. I’d say Coach K is going to bring two point guards so that
they will get relatively equal playing (depending on the circumstances) and
satisfy both of their egos.
WINNERS:
§
Chris
Paul: I should’ve put Paul in the “LOCKS” category, but I forgot, so as
an apology I’m explaining why he’s a lock. Paul is one of the best passers of
all-time. They call L.A. Lob City for a reason. He makes the players around him better and he can create his
own shot when he needs to.
Remember when he single-handedly beat the Lakers in Games 1 and 4 of
last year’s first round in the West?
As Stephen A. Smith would say, “the kid can ball.”
§
Derrick
Rose: Rose is a lock also,
just not a LOCK. Coming off his
MVP season last year (the youngest MVP ever) Rose is averaging 22.2 PPG and 7.7
APG. He is the leader of one of
the two best teams in the Eastern Conference, and he is the lifeblood of that
team’s offense. Without Rose,
Carlos Boozer can’t even roll out of bed, let alone run an effective pick and
roll and the Bulls are a .500 team.
He is the epitome of a team player, and his ability to drive makes him a
great fit for Coach K’s offense.
The Runners-Up:
§
I’m not going to spend a lot of time on the
losers, but Westbrook has too big of an ego, needs to work on his jump shot, and
is reckless with the ball.
Williams is really good, just not good enough to make the cut here. Maybe next year, kiddo.
SHOOTING GUARDS:
Kobe is already a lock, so that
just leaves the second team number two spot.
§
Dwyane
Wade: This one is a no brainer. Wade is probably an all around better
shooting guard than Kobe right now, BUT this is probably Kobe’s last Olympics (veteran/reputation
factor), and Kobe has put up better numbers the past two seasons with LeBron
and Bosh going to the Heat and stealing some of Wade's stats. Kobe
will get the start, but Wade will definitely get playing time.
FORWARDS:
The forwards are a little tricky
because some of them can play either forward position. We already have LeBron and Durant, but
the next two are tricky.
§
Kevin
Love: Love is the best power forward in the league. Period. Anybody who doubts that spends too much
time watching Blake Griffin monster dunk highlights on SportsCenter and not
enough time watching actual games.
Love is the best rebounder in the league, and he can hit threes. He’s a threat on so many levels that
it’s hard to believe that he may not be starting. 
§
Melo?: It pains me to say it as a Knicks fan but
Melo might have his spot taken by Andre Igoudala or Rudy Gay if he doesn’t pick
his play up. He is struggling from
the field this season (his FG% this season is 6 points lower than his career
average 45.6%) and he is taking wayyyy too many shots. He also has a notorious possible
Patrick Ewing Effect on his Knicks, which makes you wonder if he will ever win
with a team and not just shine alone.
With that said, Melo is still one of the best isolation players in the league
and when he does (hopefully) get out of his slump he will be a lock again.
CENTERS:
Dwight is a no-brainer. No wimpy European is ever going to be
able to guard our big man.
§
LaMarcus
Aldrige: The second center is a toss-up. It could realistically be LaMarcus Aldrige or Chris Bosh,
but I’m picking Aldrige for a couple of reasons:
1.)
I hate Bosh
2.)
Aldrige is bigger, plays better defense, and has
a better inside game.
3.) I HATE BOSH
RESERVES:
§
Deron
Williams: REDEMPTION! The team could use his experience and backcourt abilities. He gives the point guard position
another element and his international experience could be a real help during
the Olympics. He really strengthens the team's backcourt also.
§
Tyson
Chandler: I might be biased because I’m a Knicks fan and I LOVE Tyson,
but he has veteran experience and leadership that is important during the
Olympics. He also has size and
defensive ability if Dwight gets in foul trouble, and the U.S. doesn’t have
many true big men. The most
obvious alternate for fans is Blake Griffin but I don’t think he’s developed
enough to be a big force internationally. He would have great moments, but
overall I think Tyson is the better option. Also I hate Bosh.
So the final roster is…
PG: Chris Paul (Rose/Williams backup)
SG: Kobe Bryant (Wade backup)
SF: Kevin Durant/LeBron James (Melo backup)
PF: Kevin Love/LeBron James
C: Dwight Howard (Tyson/Aldrige backup)
Shoutout to February
because it could really use some love right now and the real Davy Jones from the Monkees who died today
#NEVERFORGET
#DJLR
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