The Real BCS National Championship Breakdown: Auburn vs. FSU (UNCUT)

      Enough with the blitzes and cover twos, the I-formation and the shotgun, the play-action and the bootleg. Blah, blah, blah.  We’ve heard them scrutinize Auburn and Florida State using X’s and O’s for too long. Now, let’s finally get down to what really matters – this is the REAL BCS National Championship breakdown…

1.     Mascot

The signature mascot matchup pits Auburn’s ferociously lovable Aubie the Tiger against Florida State’s questionably racist Osceola and Renegade.  A champion horse-rider at the Seminole-ympics, Osceola wields a feathered spear painted garnet by the blood of his opponents.  His trusty steed, Renegade, spends his days grazing on the scalps of the duo’s fallen adversaries and practicing its battle “nayyy.”  That’s all well and good, but Aubie is a tiger. Let me repeat that. Aubie is a TIGER. Tigers aren’t docile little cats that yell “grrrrreat!” and only want to provide us with a perfectly balanced breakfast. Look past the soft white fur and cute wittle whiskers and you’ll see a 300-pound killer. In the real world, we are a tiger’s perfectly balanced breakfast. Edge: Auburn.

2.     Female Fan made famous by Brent Musberger

Every girl has felt violated by the prying eyes of a creepy older guy at one time or another. These experiences are relatively commonplace on subways, buses, and pretty much everywhere in New Jersey, not during a nationally televised football game. Yet sportscaster Brent Musburger managed to accomplish this feat twice on-air, once to Auburn’s Katherine Webb and again to FSU’s Jenn Sterger. During the 2012 BCS National Championship Game, Musburger spent over 30 seconds of prime-time television ogling over Webb, former Miss Alabama and quarterback A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend.  Seven years earlier, cameras zoomed in on FSU student Jenn Sterger in the stands of a Miami-FSU game, and Musburger nearly fainted.  Both fans aren’t the worst looking women in the world, but Brett Favre’s dick pics put Sterger in front by a head.  Edge: FSU. 

3.     Two-sport athlete

The Best Two-Sport Athlete category features a heavyweight matchup between Auburn’s Bo Jackson and FSU’s Deion Sanders. The first player to ever play in the Pro Bowl and the MLB All Star Game, Jackson hit 141 homeruns as the Kansas City Royals’ outfielder while rushing for over 2,000 yards out of the Los Angeles Raiders’ backfield.  Oh, and did I mention he won the Heisman? Sanders’ numbers are nothing to scoff at either: 53 career interceptions, 186 stolen bases, two Super Bowl Rings, a World Series appearance, and the only player ever to hit a homerun and score a touchdown in the same week.  Both are legends in their own right, but Jackson’s individual accomplishments trump Sanders’ championship presence. Edge: Auburn. 

4. WWE Diva

In this corner, representing Auburn University, we have The Diamond Doll, The Booty Babe herself, Kimberly Paaaaage.  And in this corner, wearing the garnet and gold miniskirt for Florida State University, we have the 2008 WWE Diva Champion, the Jesus Christ Suplex Star, the Not-So-Virgin Mary, Michelle McCoooooool. Now let’s get ready to RUMMMMBLE!!! Ding, ding, ding. Page starts by trying to put McCool in a headlock, but the power of Christ compels her.  McCool counters with a Russian Leg Sweep, knocking Page off her guard and dazing her. And what’s this?  It’s McCool’s signature finishing move: the Faith-Breaker!  Ooohhh, Page is down for the count and contemplating the meaning of her existence. The victory goes McCool and FSU!!! 

5.     Catchiest Song

FSU sends in Yellowcard’s “Ocean Avenue” to rhyme it out against Auburn-alum Elmo Shropshire’s “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”  FSU’s Yellowcard lead singer/guitarist, Ryan Key, wrote the band’s one-hit wonder in 2003, never dreaming that it would become the early-2000 bar mitzvah favorite that it was ten years ago.  Looking at Auburn: first of all, love the name Elmo Shropshire – sounds like a Sesame Street character crossed with a Hobbit. Moving on to the song, I don’t know what kind of sick, Christmas-themed things Elmo’s grandma must have done to prompt her grandson to write a song entitled “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” but regardless, the song is a holiday staple and even inspired the creation of an animated movie.  Both songs are pretty catchy, but the animated movie and the name “Elmo Shropshire” give Auburn the nod.  Edge: Auburn.

6.     Sports Personality

Auburn’s decides to roll with NBA Hall of Famer and TNT Analyst, Charles Barkely, to duke it out against FSU’s College Game Day sweetheart, Lee Corso.  In terms of experience, FSU definitely has the upper hand. Corso is shadily old, his parents having given birth to him during the Great Depression in 1935.  However, the 78-year old has been able to maintain his enthusiasm by staying hopped up on Mountain Dew and Cialis since the turn of the millennium. Yet Barkely is unmatched in the sports world. The Golf Channel show teaching him how to swing a golf club and his bashing on Shaq at half times makes Barkley a staple in off-the field sports entertainment that no amount of wacky headgear can overshadow.  Edge: Auburn. 

7.     Music Legend

For the Music Legend matchup, we’re grooving our way in time to the 1960’s.  FSU’s Jim Morrison broke into the musical world as the Nietzsche-philosophizing lyricist of The Doors while Auburn’s Lionel Richie made his soulful debut alongside Diana Ross in the R&B group, The Commodores.  An alleged heroin overdose cut Morrison’s promising career short; however, his profound lyrics and inimitable stage presence forever changed rock music. While Richie continues to have successful career, Morrison is a rock god. Break on Through: FSU.

8.     War Chant

Everybody knows that a school isn’t worth rooting for unless it has a sweet war chant, but luckily, Auburn and FSU excel in this category. FSU’s “massacre” melody mimics a Native American sorrow song that, as legend has it, was first heard after thousands of Native Americans were murdered by the United States. Add the signature Seminole Chop to this haunting melody, and you’ve got yourself a wholly insensitive yet chilling war chant. Although fun to say, Auburn’s “WAR EAGLE” has a less fun story behind it. The story goes that a Confederate soldier and a wounded eagle became BFFLs during the Civil War and the eagle flew around Auburn’s football stadium when the two returned to Auburn after the war. Auburn’s chant is rooted in friendship while FSU’s is rooted in murder. If I’m choosing a war chant, I’m going with the latter even if it’s politically incorrect. Edge: FSU.

9.     Recent Heisman Winner

Auburn’s Cam Newton squares off against FSU’s Jameis Winston in the deciding category of what has shaped up to be a historic matchup. In his 2010 Heisman campaign, Newton totaled 2,874 yards and 30 touchdowns through the air and 1,473 yards and 20 scores on the ground. This season, Winston trumped Newton’s numbers in the passing game (3,820 yards and 38 touchdowns) but simply wasn’t in the same league as Newton in terms of rushing (193 yards and 4 touchdowns).  Comparing each player’s competition: Newton beat out Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck who finished his sophomore season with 3338 passing yards and 32 touchdowns.  Winston’s runner-up, on the other hand, Boston College running back Andre Williams who ran for 2102 yards and 17 touchdowns (three less than Newton). Both players had phenomenal seasons, but Newton’s numbers are downright stupid and he won the award against stiffer competition.  Edge: Auburn.

10.  Recap:

The final tally:

Auburn – 5

Florida State – 4

And that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Call your bookies now because when analyzing what truly separates these two teams, we see that Auburn will be crowned this year’s BCS National Champion. Still, you better watch anyway to make sure.   

#DJLR

Defending Dwight's Departure (Moolah Edition)

We’ve seen the tweet, witnessed the backlash, and heard the criticism.  We’ve sat through countless debates on SportsCenter and listened to the talking heads argue about the merits and faults in Dwight Howard’s decision to sign with the Houston Rockets over the Los Angeles Lakers.  Yet they’ve gotten one essential aspect of this argument completely wrong. 

Houston comes out on top in almost all of the purely basketball categories: the Rockets boast some of the biggest young stars in the league from James Harden to New York’s ex-sweetheart Jeremy Lin.  Who do the Lakers have?  An aging Kobe Bryant who is rehabbing from an Achilles injury and an expensive center in Pau Gasol whom they would’ve most likely moved had they landed Howard.  In terms of coaching, Houston also has Hollywood beat: Rockets’ Kevin McHale was a legendary big man for Larry Bird’s Celtics who can help refine Howard’s offensive game. Lakers’ Mike D’Antoni drove Amar’e Stoudemire’s knees into the ground and alienated Howard during his only season in L.A.

But surely Dwight made a mistake if he passed up a five year, $118 million contract in favor of a four year, $87.6 million one, right?

Objectively, yes.  The Lakers can offer Dwight a maximum annual increase in pay of 7.5% compared to the Rockets’ 4.5% maximum annual increase.  However, Howard would not be getting all of the $118 million had he signed with the Lakers, nor is he getting all of the $87.6 million in signing with the Rockets.  This is where the analysts have skewed the facts and made the laymen viewer believe that Howard will be wealthier if he stays in L.A.

The first question is how do you define one’s wealth.  According to most, it’s the sum of an individual’s physical assets (houses, cars, boats, etc.) and monetary assets (investments, money in a savings account, etc.).  You would never include the money that he or she sends to the government in the form of taxes because that is money that the individual forced to give up and is therefore unable to spend. 

Here is where the raw contract numbers are misleading.  Howard’s gross salary in L.A. is much higher than Howard’s gross salary in Houston; however, California’s burdensome 13.3% state income tax will take away a large chunk of Howard’s $118 million over the course of five years.  What makes Texas so appealing financially is that there is no state income tax.  However, due to the unique way in which athletes are taxed, this does not mean that Howard will be making 13.3% more money playing in Houston.

This confusing set of rules is referred to as the “Jock Tax,” and Forbes’ Tony Nitti describes it simply and eloquently in his own piece about Howard’s decision:

           “In the U.S., the taxation of professional athletes is based on ‘duty days;’ basically, the income you earn is apportioned to each state based on the number of days you compete or train within the state, and is then taxed in that state according to its tax rates. So even if an athlete resides in a state with no income tax, some of his income will be allocated to states with an income tax and taxed accordingly. But as you’ll see below, the savings from calling a state like Texas your home can still be substantial.

If Howard re-signs with the Lakers and relocates to California, as a resident of the state he will be subject to a 13.3% on all of his income. Any income allocated outside the state and taxed in another jurisdiction– for example, when the Lakers play the Phoenix Suns – will generate a credit Howard can use against his California income tax. But because California’s rate will always be higher than the other state, Howard will still pay an effective rate of 13.3% on his income.”

Basically, if Howard finishes his contract with L.A. and earns the full $118 million, all $118 million of it would be taxed and he would lose roughly $15.7 million (13.3% of $118).  When we turn our attention down South, we realize that over half of Howard’s $87.6 million would be tax-free: the government would touch none of the money that Howard makes in the 41 home games Howard plays each season, nor would they see a cent of the money he earns in the Rockets’ away games against the Dallas Mavericks (x2), San Antonio Spurs (x2), Miami Heat, and Orlando Magic, all of which play within the borders of a no-income tax state. 

As a result, Howard will only play 33 games a season in income-taxable states per season.  If we project this across the length of his contract we find that Howard will play a total of 132 games in income taxable states, which accounts for approximately 40% of his total income or $1.7 million. 

But we won’t stop here.  The Lakers’ $118 million contract included a player option for the fifth season, meaning that Dwight Howard could opt out of the fifth year and let the market determine his value in free agency. At the end of the hypothetical fourth year, Howard would be 31 years old, nearing the end of his prime, but a great defensive stopper in a league deprived of quality big men.  He would more than likely fetch another max contract, and why would he wait one more year to stay with his current contract with the risk of injury and job security?  To offer some perspective, at 33 years old, Shaq signed a $100 million max contract with the Heat.  Granted, Shaq had three NBA Championships to his credit, but because of the dearth at the center position, a physical specimen as gifted as Howard won’t have any trouble finding another max deal.  Regardless, Howard will play somewhere, which is why the fifth year of the L.A. deal is so misleading.

So after we factor out the final year of Howard’s contract in L.A., let’s juxtapose the two four-year deals:

Los Angeles Lakers: four years, $91 million (minus $15.7 million to state income tax) = $75.3 million

Houston Rockets: four years, $87.6 million (minus $1.4 million to state income tax) = $86.2 million

            After doing some math, we see that the reason why Dwight Howard left Hollywood may not have been to any fault of Kobe Bryant or Mike D’Antoni, but of Uncle Sam.

#DJLR

How Ray Allen Saved the King

           It would’ve been all over the news. The morning headlines would’ve been just the beginning.  “THE KING DETHRONED” over a picture of James grimacing without his headband. “LEBRON’S LATE-GAME TURNOVERS COST HEAT CHAMPIONSHIP” beneath a snapshot of James lobbing a ball up to nobody before falling out of bounds.

Had Ray Allen missed that shot with five second left in Game 6 we wouldn’t have been able to turn on ESPN without being reminded of how LeBron James choked for the remainder of the hot summer months. What else do you think ESPN would talk about? Baseball? The talking heads would’ve run with it.  Skip Bayless would’ve gone into epileptic shock on air. The SportsCenter Center Pieces: “Can LeBron rebound from championship loss next year?”  “Are the Heat too old?” “Is LeBron the best regular-season player in the history of the game?”  Regular-season.  Those two words would have been tethered to the King like a lead ball and chain. The invisible asterisk hanging over LeBron’s career. What could have been, some would wonder.  What should have been, others would demand.  What wasn’t, we would all remember. 

            Legacy? Definitely salvageable, but a 1-3 record in the Finals would have handicapped, if not crippled, the King’s pursuit of the “Best Player Ever” title. We would remember his 2012-13 season not as the pinnacle of James’ career, but yet another blemish and ammo for the argument that LeBron isn't clutch.  Doctor J, Oscar Robertson, and Wilt would have replaced Jordan, Russell, and Kareem in comparisons of LeBron James.  A player who dominated the league during his prime, but not the relentless competitor and professional winner that we associate with greatest to ever lace up. The 27-game winning streak?  A defining stamp of a team’s dominance impressed upon history reduced to a mere trivia question.  You can’t be in the “Best Team Ever” discussion if you weren’t even the best team of your respective season.  

            The drama would continue until a week before football season is almost close enough to talk about, which is when ESPN begins covering it.  If LeBron’s lucky, Aaron Hernandez kills a guy, which takes some of the spotlight away from him.  But not for long.  Dwight Howard gets traded to the Clippers and the analysts begin questioning whether or not the Heat can stack up Dwight in the post, and whether or not they can even make it to the Finals in the first place. The Heat would attempt to acquire players who will remedy their dearth of size.  They would sign a Joel Pryzbilla or a Nazr Muhammad. As the 2013-14 NBA season draws nearer the buzz surrounding the King’s window of opportunity grows louder. 

            Derrick Rose is healthy again.  Danny Granger is healthy again.  Russell Westbrook is healthy again.  A Kevin Love-Carlos Boozer/Jimmy Butler trade would send one of the league’s best power forwards to the Bulls.  The teams in the Eastern Conference are tailoring their teams around beating the Heat.  Wade is deteriorating. Bosh has deteriorated.  After another stellar regular season from LeBron, a matured Pacers teams would bounce the defending champs from the playoffs in the Conference Semis.  More disappointment.

Following the early exit, the King would contemplate his options as a free agent. A developed Kyrie Irving and a sophomore Nerlins Noel would entice James to return to his hometown Cavaliers where he begins his journey towards redemption.  Even though the team has talent, it would take James a season or two to really gel with his new teammates.  Wade and James, Dwight and Kobe, Melo and Amar’e*; history tells us that bringing together two superstars doesn’t produce a champion right away.

*I’m only including Amar’e because I’m not ready emotionally to handle the reality that the Knicks still owe him almost $50 million over the next two seasons.

In Cleveland, LeBron would win one, maybe two more championships as he fades out of his prime.  Best case scenario: he ends his career a three-time NBA Champion, three-time Finals MVP, five-time regular season MVP, and he regains the respect of the city of Cleveland.  Not six titles and six Finals MVP’s, but a sure-fire Hall of Fame career and a spot at the 10 Greatest Players Ever table.  LeBron would say that it didn’t matter.  That he doesn’t play for legacy and that he accomplished everything that he wanted to accomplish in his career, all of which would not doubt be true.  But he would always kick himself for the way he played down the stretch of Game 6, even if he’d never show it.

But none of that matters because none of it happened.  Chris Bosh got an offensive rebound, Ray Allen sunk a three with five seconds left to force an overtime, and David Stern’s henchmen wheeled the Larry O’Brien trophy back down the tunnel and stowed it away until Game 7. LeBron James should make a Helga from Hey Arnold! style bubble-gum shrine to Ray Allen for single-handedly keeping his run at Michael alive (with Bosh as Eugene breathing heavily into his ear). 

Three years from now, nobody will remember LeBron’s two late turnovers in Game 6.  We will only see a triple-double in the box score and a 2012-13 NBA Championship banner hanging in American Airlines Arena.  We will see a back-to-back NBA Champion (with a chance to become the first three-peat since Kobe/Shaq) and back-to-back NBA Finals MVP.  We will see the highest elimination game PPG in NBA history and the second most playoff triple-doubles ever.  We will see a player who still has a legitimate shot to make a run Michael.

Just know that years from now, when LeBron James retires and the analysts stack up his legacy against Michael’s, Ray Allen will be watching somewhere next to his mom who is no doubt still in her bedazzled Celtics jersey.  He’ll glance at his 2013 NBA Champion Ring, and he’ll know that even though it was LeBron who shepherded the Heat to the Finals, it was Allen who saved that season, and a substantial part LeBron’s legacy, with one of the most historically significant shots in NBA history. 

Shout-out to the bitter Celtics fan JBFink

#DJLR

New Years' MEGABLOG

Hey!  Welcome back!  Grab a seat and make yourself at home.  If you’re thirsty there’s water in the fridge and--- wait what?  There’s no water?  There’s no fridge either?  Wait there’s not even a chair?  Wow I’m really sorry, I just had my blog renovated so the furniture must still be in storage.  Well, anyway now that you’re here you might as well stay for the

NEW YEARS’ MEGABLOG

            What better way to ring in the New Year than with some good ol’-fashioned blog-on-blog-on-blog analysis of anything and everything? But first, as always, we need to go through the New Years’ Resolutions of some of our favorite sports icons from 2012.

Mark Sanchez: “Hi Santa! For Christmas I want a Calvin Johnson and a Larry Fitzgerald and a Super Bowl ring and ooo and a pony!  And--- Huh? What do you mean it isn’t Christmas anymore?  Then who’s lap am I sitting--- wait, Tebow!?!? You’re not Santa! NOOOO!!!!”

Andy Reid: “First and foremost, I promise to stop hiding snacks in my mustache. Seriously, it's a bad habit and this year I'll actually stick to my promise.  Second, I promise to stop coaching the team with the worst turnover differential in the NFC (Eagles: -24) so that I can coach the team with the worst turnover differential in the AFC (Chiefs: -24).  Finally, I promise to make every Chiefs fan regret this hire.”

Mike D’Antoni: “I promise to overuse Kobe during the regular season and make every Lakers fan regret not getting Phil Jackson when they had the chance.”

Chip Kelly: “I promise to leave Oregon to coach in the NFL before the sanctions hit."

Gary Bettman: “I promise to do everything in my power to make sure that the NHL lockout will continue and that 2012-2013 hockey season will be cancelled.  I also promise to keep the title of Worst Commissioner in Sports safe from the clutches of Roger Goodell.  Also I hate puppies.”

Wasn’t that heartwarming?  Don’t you just love it when people try to better themselves/perpetuate their shortcomings for the New Year?

            Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get down to business. A lot has happened since the last post so fasten your seatbelts because we’re going rapid-fire:

 JETS:

In perhaps the most predictable ending to a season since Friends, the Jets managed to not only to disappoint every one of their fans, but also embarrass themselves on a national stage.  Mark Sanchez was so terrible that even Trent Dilfer was allowed to criticize him, the defense was ranked 20^th in points allowed, they were eliminated from the playoffs in Week 14, Tebow lined up as a wide receiver, and to celebrate the season Rex Ryan got an arm tattoo of his wife wearing a Mark Sanchez jersey.

Speaking of bad tattoos, here's your "Tattoo That Looked Better in My Head" of the month:

Back to business.  Basically the best part of the New Year for Jets fans is not having to suffer through another game until September.  The entire Jets season can be summed up in this play. 

The good news is that Jets management seems to be making the right moves to ameliorate the chaos.  They’re shopping Sanchez for whatever they can get (which is at most a couple of breadsticks), they fired GM Mike Tanenbaum, they’re looking to replace OC Tony Sparano with (possibly) Norv Turner, and they’re keeping Rex Ryan for another year.  I think keeping Rex is key because he's a good coach who was plagued by player injuries, weird and sometimes creepy mini-scandals, and devout loyalty to a quarterback who lost his job to Greg McElroy.  If the Jets can get a serviceable quarterback in the draft (Geno Smith?), revitalize their defense, and bag an upper echelon wide receiver (Dwayne Bowe/Mike Wallace?) the Jets could be a Wild Card contender.  But that’s a lot of ifs. 

GIANTS:

            Not quite as humiliating of a season as their hometown rival Jets, the Giants still managed to garner their fair share of embarrassment by squandering their playoff hopes after starting the season 6-2.  Many will point to injuries of Kenny Phillips, Justin Tuck, and Osi Umenyiora on the defensive side, which exacerbated an already exposed defense. This is true, but only half of the story.

            The other part of it is Eli Manning and the Giants’ offense.  Granted, Hakeem Nicks and Ahmad Bradshaw seemed perpetually on the injury report, but look at Eli’s numbers from the first half of the season compared to the second half.

First 8 games: 2,301 yards (>300 yards 3 times), 12 TD, 8 INT

Last 8 games: 1,647 yards (>300 yards 0 times), 14 TD, 7 INT

            Subtract the five-touchdown day that Eli had over the 4-12 Eagles in Week 17 when the Giants’ playoff chances were less likely than the chance that Kim and Kanye end up raising their baby together, and Eli only has nine touchdowns in the final eight games of the season.

            Eli’s turnovers were never the downfall for the Giants, but this year his lack of efficiency in the passing game was.  When Eli is moving the ball through the air that clears the box for Bradshaw/Brown/Wilson, giving the Giants a very formidable run/pass combination.  We saw sparks of it in the second half of the season (i.e. against the 49ers), but not enough for them to secure a playoff berth. 

            These numbers tell it all:

Eli in Giants wins (9 Games): 2,495 yards, 21 TD, 9 INT, 98.4 QB Rating

Eli in Giants losses (7 Games): 1, 453 yards, 5 TD, 6 INT, 72.2 QB Rating

At the end of the day, the Giants lived and died by Eli… and then died a little more from their 31^st ranked defense.

DJANGO UNCHAINED:

            Django Unchained was off the chain.  In case you were wondering, yes, I made that up, and, no, it’s not the first time I used that joke.

THE CHRISTMAS VS CHANUKAH VS KWANZAA DEBATE

            I’m ending this debate once and for all.  I’m a Jew and even I have to admit that Christmas is, by far, the best holiday of the three.  First of all, nobody actually knows what Kwanzaa is, let alone celebrates it.  I looked it up and saw a menorah thing and what looks like yamakas, so I can only assume that it’s Chanukah for black people. 

That being said, in regards to Chanukah vs. Christmas, it’s not even a contest.  People who argue for Chanukah say, “You get presents for eight nights!!! [pause and wait for reaction] EIGHT NIGHTS!!!!”  What non-Jews don’t realize is that getting presents for eight nights fucking sucks.  You don’t get any more presents than you normally would; you just get all of your presents spaced out evenly for eight nights.  Most times you don’t even get eight presents, so you go dry for a couple of the nights. 

Also, since the Jewish calendar is different from the regular calendar, Chanukah’s eight days are different every year.  Nobody except for the rabbi actually knows when Chanukah is until it actually is Chanukah, which ruins all of the fun of anticipating when you get your presents.

Finally, “Merry Christmas” sounds so much better than “Happy Chanukah,” and a Christmas Tree is infinitely better than a Chanukah Bush.  Everybody knows that a tree is just a better, taller version of a bush, and furthermore a Chunukah Bush sounds like some sort of creepy residue left over from No-Shave November. 

KNICKS:

            I could’ve done an entire post about the Knicks and why I’m fatally in love with them, but it would go on for days, so I’ll just limit it to a couple of paragraphs.

            I love that Melo has finally come on.  I know it sounds sadistic, but I think it was a good thing that Amar’e was injured to start the season.  It gave Melo time to establish that he is the number one guy on the team and that when Amar’e comes back it has to be in a complementary role.  I think the Knicks’ success in Amar’e’s absence has convinced Amar’e of this, which bodes well for both Amar’e’s future health and the Knicks’ depth if they can have both J.R. and Stat healthy coming off of the bench.

            I also love 2K13’s Mr. Potato Head a.k.a. Mike Woodson.  He’s finally gotten everyone to buy into his system and it shows.  He has a great mind for defense and has handled big personalities well thus far.  He's a much better overall coach than  D’Antoni and the Lakers are starting to see why Run-and-Gun Mike was forced to “retire” mid-season as coach of the Knicks.

            What's more the Knicks point guard play with the rotation of Jason Kidd, Raymond Felton, and Pablo Prigioni is one of the best in the league.  Kidd is a natural leader like Tyson, Felton looks thin and much better than he was two years ago, and how could you not love the little Argentinian/Italian thing that Prigioni does?  Also, J.R. Smith has shattered the record for most shots where everybody watching him goes “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO- YES!!!!!”

            What makes me nervous though isn’t the record setting pace of three point attempts (which Charles Barkley think is “just turrrible”), but rather the Knicks low post game.  They’re currently being outrebounded by their opponents 1278 to 1376, a differential of about 100.  The Knicks are also ranked 27^th in rebounds per game and 22^nd in opponents’ rebounds per game.  This lack of a dominant inside presence was put on national display on Christmas Day when the Lakers absolutely dominated the Knicks down low, outscoring them 46-26 in the paint. 

            The Knicks can survive, and even thrive, when playing small ball teams like the Heat, but if and when the Lakers ever figure it out, the Knicks are going to be in a lot of trouble trying to mark up against Dwight Howard. Hopefully this will change with a healthy Amar'e in the lineup.

            With that being said, a realistic goal for the Knicks should be Eastern Conference Finals, as Carmelo said earlier in the year.  A championship is the ultimate goal though, but that comes later down the road as experience builds. 

BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

            My one-of-a-kind matchup is available courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:

http://50.17.251.64/blog/list/201301/notre-dame-fighting-irish-alabama-crimson-tide-bcs-football#1

            (Shameless self-promotion at its finest)

Here’s a little more shameless self-promotion for you, happy holidays:

#DJLR

Late Night Reflections from Game 4 of the NBA Finals

Text exchange between me and my friend, Ron, on Tuesday:

Ron (12:53PM): “That’s My Boy at 6?”

David (12:55PM): “Free Movie Tuesday?”

Ron (12:56PM): “Obviously.”

David (12:57PM): “Down.”

            Perfect, I thought, I’ll watch Adam Sandler bone his teacher, laugh at some awkward Andy Samberg jokes, and make it back just in time to catch the pregame show for Game 4.  Good day.

            I get some lunch, go pick up my prom tux, try on a couple of ties, get the number of the hot cashier (who looks eerily similar to a young Carmen Electra), get in my car, see a huge gorilla charging at me, start honking my horn and screaming, notice that Andy Samberg is sitting next to me, start screaming louder, and just as the huge gorilla is about to smash into my car… I wake up.

            I’m in my bed, sweating.  I look at my phone to see what time it is: 6:47.  No. Fucking. Way.  I SLEPT THROUGH THE MOVIE!  I check my phone and notice that I got another text from Ron:

Ron (6:09PM): “Yo movie’s at 8… my bad.”

            Classic Ron.* 

**Sidenote: why would he text me 9 minutes after he said the movie was supposed to start?  Did he go to the theater, get a ticket, buy some popcorn, sit down, and then nine minutes later realize he was watching Snow White and the Huntsman?  That’s Ron for you.**

            I’m already mad because I’m still dealing with the fact that the hot cashier whose number I got is really just a figment of my imagination, and now I’m not going to be able to watch the most pivotal game of the Finals live!?!??! This is a disaster!

            I felt bad bailing on Ron so late so I told him I’d go to the movie if he swore on his hot sister’s life that he wouldn’t mention anything to me about the game during the movie.  He told me to go fuck myself and reluctantly accepted. 

            I somehow got home at 10:00 without hearing a word about the game, so all in all everything worked out… until I realized that I forgot to tape the show after the game. Anybody who watches sports on TV knows that all sporting events (especially one as important as Game 4) end after they are scheduled to, so when my Game 4 recording inexplicably stopped with five minutes left in the game, I had to spend a good half hour frantically searching YouTube for those last five minutes. 

            After I found a rickety video of the end of the game on a 4x4 TV taken by a Thunder fan that jumped and shook the camera after every big play, it was around 1:00AM, but for some reason I wasn’t tired.  Maybe it was that random 6-hour nap I took in the middle of the day… I don’t know.  Regardless, my insomnia prompted me to lay in my bed awake and meditate over what I had just seen.  Here are those reflections:

Late Night Reflections from Game 4 of the NBA Finals

1.     LeBron James is finally going to get his first ring

            Not meant to be a jinx.  If you read my sappy LeBron column before the Finals, you know that I’m no longer a hater.  He is doing things in these Finals that even Jordan didn’t do.  He’s the first player since Larry Bird in ’86 to record 26 points, 12 assists, and 9 rebounds in a single NBA Finals game. 

            He’s averaging 30 PPG, 9 RPG, 5 APG this post-season.  The only other player to put up numbers like that in a single post-season since the merger: LeBron James (’09).  The only other player to do that in league history was the great Oscar Robertson way back in ’63 when the stereotypical power forward was a tall awkward white guy with a mustache.

            But what’s more impressive about what LeBron is doing is that he’s not just going out onto the floor and saying “Tonight I am going to be scoring LeBron” or “I think I’ll be more of a passing/rebounding LeBron tonight.”  He’s reading the defense and adapting to what he needs to do to help his team win. 

            In the first three games, LeBron attacked the paint to take advantage of his mismatch on the skinnier Durant.  He was 6-38 from outside the paint (as Skip Bayless loves to mention), but, LeBron shot 75% from inside the paint and shot 45% overall.  Most importantly, those numbers helped the Heat split the first two games in OKC and win the first game on their home court.

            In Game 4 the Thunder showed him a different look defensively.  Scott Brooks put Thabo Sefalosha (the Thunder’s best defender) on LeBron right from the start and double-teamed James whenever he entered the paint.  LeBron realized this and took advantage of the scheme by drawing the double in the paint and then dishing it out to an open shooter for the three.  He had 10 assists by the end of the first half.

            The Heat looked like the ’09 Magic (before Dwight Howard quit on his team and turned into a total douche).  Teams didn't have the personnel to combat Howard inside, so they double-teamed him in the paint and Howard passed the ball out to Lewis or Pietrus or Reddick for the three.  But that set-up only works if the shooters can hit their open looks, which is what the Heat shooters couldn’t do until…

2.     NORRIS COLE!!! The Unsung Hero

            Actually “unsung” is an understatement.  “The Ugly Ginger Middle Child with Braces” Hero is a better description of what he was last night.

            The Heat were down 17 points to start the game.  Their offense looked stagnant, Chalmers, Battier, and Miller weren’t hitting shots, and the Thunder looked like they were going to run away with the game. 

            Then Cole hit a layup with 2:14 left in the first quarter to slow the Thunder’s momentum.  He then hit the Heat’s first three pointer of the game with 0:03 left in the first.  Then he hit another three at the 11:19 mark of the second quarter and just like that the Thunder’s lead was cut to single digits. 

            He may not get the publicity that Chalmers got, but without Cole’s spark the Thunder would have put the game out of reach early.

3.     The Chalmander

            Chalmers was straight ballin', as Stephen A. Smith would say, in Game 4.  His 25 points were big, but as Magic Johnson said, “when he scored his 25 points was bigger.”  If we stick with the popular Batman analogy that everybody seems to be using to describe the Heat in Game 4:

LeBron = Batman

Wade = Robin

Chalmers = Bruce Wayne’s butler (Alfred Pennyworth)

Pat Riley = Corpse of Batman’s dead father

Spoelstra = Corpse of Batman's dead mother

Bosh = The Lizard (I know, wrong comic, but it was too perfect)

4.     The Westbrook-Durant Paradox

            It’s an age-old dilemma that’s plagued us since Pterodactyls ruled the skies and Chris Bosh’s roamed the Earth. 

            Initially I thought that Westbrook should pass more to give Durant more touches.  Then I looked at Dean Oliver’s True Hoop Blog and saw these stats:

Thunder By Durant/Westbrook Usage Pct
2011-12 Season Including Playoffs

	Avg Team Off Efficiency<<	W-L
Durant Higher	106.3	22-12
Westbrook Higher	108.8	38-11

            So the Thunder are actually better when Westbrook shoots more?  I thought about this for a while and came to the conclusion that Westbrook driving to the basket opens up the floor for KD, and makes it impossible for the defense to focus solely on stopping Durant.  Durant gets open looks and then when he starts hitting it's all over. 

           Westbrook was absolutely off the charts in Game 4 (43 PTS, 7 REB, 5 AST).  When Harden and Durant went cold towards the end of the game, Westbrook drove to the basket and used his freakish athleticism to score 13 straight points, single-handedly keeping his team in the game.  I remember thinking during the game that of all of the players in the league, only Rose and Wall have the same explosiveness and first step to match Westbrook’s. 

            I’ll give him a pass for that last foul he committed on Chalmers after the jump ball because without him, the Thunder wouldn’t have been in it at all. 

            Ultimately, Westbrook can take more shots than Durant when his field goal percentage is good.  When he’s having one of those “here we go again” games like in the first half of Game 2, he needs to distribute more.  He’s not a true point guard, but realistically there are only a handful of “true point guards” in the league.  Westbrook doesn’t have to change his game completely, just pick his spots and know his limits.

            I’m not going to get on Durant too badly for the loss because he still had 28 points.  The reason the Thunder lost is because the rest of the Thunder’s starters (besides Westbrook) scored 13 points combined, and the rest of the Thunder’s team scored 27 points combined. 

5.     Fun Fact

            Thabo Sefalosha’s +/- while he was on the floor was -19… so much for shutting down LeBron.

6.     What does James Harden hide under his beard?

      Seriously though.  A man with a beard that big and that bushy has to be hiding something.  Some theories:

a.)   He has no chin

b.)   He has terrible acne

c.)   He got a really bad tattoo in college

d.)   He keeps snacks hidden there for later

e.)   His can’t shave his beard because it has a mind of its own like the foot in that Courage the Cowardly Dog episode

7.     No more LeBron jokes…?

            Look, I know I’ve been defending LeBron lately, but who doesn’t like a good LeBron joke every now and then?  It’s like a breath of fresh air, reminding you, “Oh yeah, I have just as many rings as LeBron!” feeding your ego if only for a moment.  Now that LeBron is so close to winning his first, I’m not sure what we’re going to do to make ourselves feel better at someone else's expense…  I guess we’ll just have to double up on the Bosh jokes….

            Then again… the series isn’t over...

#DJLR